challenge

Right Now? (An array of thoughts)

Posted on by Priyasha

Right now, I have stopped my reverse diet. In fact, I wasn’t tracking macros (remember those?) for at least 3 months. Yesterday was my first day back on the tracking wagon.

Right now, I am focussing on my lifts, and just making sure I eat more than 220g of carbs, 40g of fat, 80g of protein and 1600 calories. As long as I am eating more than this, I know my muscles will be fuelled enough. I plan on doing a mini-bulk during Summer, followed by a cut. But, that’s a discussion for later.

Right now, I am focussed on my squats. They have been stuck at 28kg for longer than i’d like to admit, and I know exactly where consistency can take me. Consistent training has gotten me to where I am today, and has given me the physique I have today. I had to compromise this consistency for justifiable reasons (regarding my mental health and heavy school workload), but I can feel my eyes locked onto my goals now. Nothing is stopping me. I have been having very good lifts lately, so I thought I’d share how I got my determination back.

We often rely on just motivation to take us from one goal to another. But motivation is fickle, it will help you power through a workout one day, but when the flames die out, you are left feeling like avoiding the gym for at least a week. I’ve been there. Determination is what takes you from one day to the next. Sit down. Take a breath. Think about why you love doing what you do. Change your workout program, learn new lifts (the sky is the limit when it comes to lifts), set tiny goals every week so you know what to focus on. Trust the process and most importantly trust and respect yourself enough to know you will get to where you want to be.

But remember: it’s okay to pause your goals. I paused my goals for months till I was okay again, and I respect myself for making that decision. Life will get in the way, sometimes, but that doesn’t mean you should beat yourself up for missing some workouts. That leaves you feeling at war with yourself, when in all honesty, you need to love and be friends with yourself if you want to make it. So, take it one step at a time. And never give up. Even if you’ve been taking a hiatus from working out for a while, trust yourself enough that you will get back.

Trust that your determination will take over your reliance on motivation.

Till next time.

 

#BeastMentality

Posted on by Priyasha

I’m not a normal 17-year-old.

I don’t sleep in, cause I believe that’s a waste of time. Why dream, when you can physically work towards turning a product of your imagination into something your reality can bask in.

Sometimes, I wake up at 4 AM to fit in a workout. I don’t care if most of the population is asleep, and I don’t care if i’m still tired, I have goals to conquer and absolutely no time to waste.

Things get difficult sometimes. So tough, where i’m left overwhelmed and shaky. But everything I have been through has moulded me. Being fat, academically weak, someone who didn’t have a shred of self-respect. I’m proud of myself, the things i’ve accomplished and the things I know i’ll achieve. I respect myself to the core, and absolutely love myself now.

Find your inner strength. Find the mentality that allows you to pursue everything they thought you couldn’t achieve. I don’t care if you’re 17 or 70. I don’t care if you have an army of supporters or none. This is you. This is your life. You have one shot at this. So don’t conform to what the population thinks you should be doing.

When I was 14, I was minding my own business, lifting my 2kg dumbbells, not listening to the people who told me I was too young for this sport. That I would look buff, as if that’s a bad thing for a woman. Screen Shot 2016-04-12 at 9.09.07 am.png

3 years later, and i’m still not listening to anyone who thinks they can get in my way.

So, find your strength. Find your passion and take ownership of your goals.

Till next time.

Let’s get buff?

Posted on by Priyasha

I’ve been thinking.

I’ve been thinking about my current strength. As proud as I am for building everything I have now from nothing (the strength, the muscle, the physique, the mentality), I am still hungry for more. Which is why i’ve decided to stay on my reverse diet for a long time. Stay on this diet till I hit maintenance macros (290-300carbs/90protein/46 fat/1950calories). I plan on staying with my maintenance macros till I’m satisfied with the amount of muscle i’ve built and the PR’s i’ve hit. If I do cut this year (I might not), the lowest I plan on going is 220c/90p/42f/1700cals.

My cut in 2015 made me lose PR’s because my macros were too low for too long. So yes, this year is not going to be about abs at all. It’s not going to be about fitting into the ‘skinny girl’ norms (it’s never been about that) or being ‘bikini ready’. I just don’t care anymore. I want to build a whole new physique. Whole new level of strength. Turn my deadlift max into a warm up.

I am going slow with my new program. Focussing on my form and making sure i’m hitting all the right muscles. And taking it slow makes me feel like I can actually tackle PR’s that won’t slip away after two weeks this time.

Take it slow and let yourself grow.

 

Posted on by Priyasha

We have the habit of starting a new year in the hopes that this time, it’ll be perfect. Absolutely flawless. Conquering your resolutions has never been so easy. You’re not going to shed a single tear this year.

But then reality cuts through the thick air of optimism you build around you. You go through really tough days. Things hurt. You cry. You feel defeated.

Maybe you should regroup your army. Prepare yourself for battles, know what you’re equipped with. Aim your sniper and don’t let reality defeat you this time. 

I’ve spent so many years hoping for a fresh start. But the only thing fresh about the next year is the Calendar you buy. Yes, there’s no denying it’s a new year. There are new opportunities  set out for those who are ready to work for them. Make sacrifices for them. But the happiness is never going to be handed to you. Fight, conquer, thrive.

We’re beasts. We’re not going to let reality get the better of us.

2016. It’s going to be a fresh page of the same story. And we’re writing our own happy ending.

A History of Resolutions

Posted on by Priyasha

Merry Christmas Eve, beasts. I did something cool today. I went over my past resolutions (starting from 2012) just to see where I was and where I am now.

In 2012 I had the simple goal of losing weight. I was doing bodyweight workouts (remember doing air squats, lifters?) and I lived off of cardio DvD’s. I was also practicing clean eating but never acknowledged how unstable it made me feel.

By 2013, I developed so much discipline. My resolutions were again simple, except a bit more extreme. I was only allowed to have 2 cheat meals per month. I quote myself: “You can eat one cookie in a month so you don’t feel like you’re depriving yourself.”

Give me a moment, I can’t seem to stop laughing at how ridiculous I was. It also scares me since 14-year-old Priyasha was restricting herself so much while creating an illusion that her diet offered some flexibility.

My resolution for 2014 was to get arms like Michelle Obama’s, get ‘ripped’, adopt the 80/20 diet (80% of your diet is clean, unprocessed food and 20% of your diet can be ‘treat foods’) and to start studying. I was also just lifting thrice a week and barely eating. By the end of 2014 I was tracking without a food scale (my bad) and doing carb cycling. Some days i’d only eat 60g of carbs, which obviously forced my lifting numbers to stay low.

This year. My resolutions were to study and hit PR’s. Pretty simple, right?

I have failed some of my resolutions. I can’t squat 30kg (but I can clean 29kg, at least). I can’t do bent over rows, the overhead press and upright row with 30kg either. I still can’t do push ups.  The only goal I successfully accomplished was the 60kg deadlift, and even then I have lost that PR at least thrice this year. During this year, life got in the way of lifting. My focus shifted to getting good grades and keeping my mind happy. This year was a war, a bloody struggle. So yes, some of my resolutions have fallen short. But by looking at my past resolutions and by looking at where I was then and where I am now, I am nothing less than PROUD.

Proud of myself for the PR’s, the immense physique transformation, the decent grades, the things i’ve learnt about lifting and my body. I know where I failed this year and i’m so determined to smash the goals that I haven’t already. I’m not revealing my resolutions for 2016 just yet, but I know what they are and I know exactly how i’m going to get it.

Embrace your human side, beasts. We all have failures. Failures are what fuel as to smash even bigger successes. Failing is quite honestly the best tool a person has in order to win in the future.

A letter to myself.

Posted on by Priyasha

When you go through anxiety or periods of depression, you often forget to give yourself credit for things you’ve accomplished. You start to beat yourself up, you start taunting yourself. You’re ugly, you’re weak, you’re dumb and you can’t handle this.
But i’m tired of it. So i’m writing myself a letter. To remind myself of where I started and where I am now.

Dear Priyasha,

You were never a fit person before. You were an insecure, fat little child who felt incredibly incapable most of the time. You couldn’t play sports and you’d feel your lungs give out after a minute of running. But you got out of that. You kept hustling till you were no longer the ‘fat little girl’. You lost the weight and you got strong. Yes, I just called you strong. Now you better believe it. You have gone from lifting 15kg in almost all exercises to being able to lift 60kg in some. And you call yourself weak? Sure, there are things that are yet to be accomplished. But I know you. I am you. And I know you’re going to get there. People will call you weak. People will call you ugly. People will taunt and sometimes you join them. But beasts aren’t defined by words of sheep.

This year was tough. But you’ve accomplished so much. You learned that being single doesn’t mean you’re unattractive and unloved. It just means you now have the chance to fall in love with yourself. And you did. You set a goal to get good grades, and you got there. And you’re still working. You got up every single day, no matter the mental state, and you just kept working. You learned all the things that are yet to be improved and I know you’re gonna smash those goals next year. So walk with pride. Give yourself some credit. Life is tough for everyone, but you’re fit enough to survive and thrive.

Love,

The Beast.

I suppose it’s weird to be writing myself a letter and even signing off on it, but I feel like reminding yourself of who you are and where you started is very important.

 

 

 

The Doubt Fuels Me.

Posted on by Priyasha

They never thought of me as a smart person.

I never saw myself as a smart person either. I grew familiar with below average grades and teachers telling me about my ‘potential’. So then I studied. I studied every chance I got, I compromised sleep and lifting for books. And I got decent grades, for the first time in my life.

People don’t think of me as a fit or strong person either. And quite honestly, I agree with them most of the time (believe it or not.) Oh yes, I do have moments where I admire my strength. But it’s rarely genuine. The moment anyone asks me to flex my biceps, the moment someone challenges me to an arm-wrestling match, or when i’m asked to take part in events for sports day in school, I flinch. I don’t believe in my strength so I rarely flex. I’m scared of what they’ll say because somehow I have grown accustomed to doubting myself. But this doubt is what fuels me. Fuels me to become a person who’ll proudly flex, take part in everything without having anxiety eat me alive, beat anyone who just challenges me.

I don’t feel like the fittest or strongest person right now. I have never been able to even prove the strength i’ve gained in the last two years. It’s a bloody struggle, but that’s part of the hustle. Because of this,  I’ve decided to aim to become a more balanced ‘fitness person’. Start doing Tabata training for stamina, start working on bodyweight exercises like push ups and pull ups, start focussing on my form more. I have my eyes on the prize, and no one is going to get in my way.

I might cry, I might bleed and I might disappoint myself and other people. I might say i’m going to give up, but I never do.

I never give up, I never let obstacles get the better of me. I’m strong. I just need to start believing it and training for better strength now.

This blog post is for me, and my fellow beast. We’re going to keep the hustle going. We’re going to achieve and persevere and demolish anything

 

 

tumblr_na9dawvXnE1rvr94ko1_400

that gets in our way. Your strength is immense.

I believe in us.

 

 

On Mondays, we squat.

Posted on by Priyasha

Today, I got back into the groove. Had my first lifting session in 2 weeks (I think) and it was…brutal. But felt incredibly good. My squat form was honestly terrible, I could feel my quads and hamstrings tighten up even after a warm-up, but I pushed through 3 sets of 27kg squats (my new program calls for 5 sets of rear-loaded squats and 2 sets of box squats after.)

Even though I don’t feel my strongest and fittest right now, you can bet that I’ll be back in a week or two. Once my muscles get warmed up by consistency I’ll go back to squatting 7 sets.

Speaking of the new program (homemade), here’s my Quad and Glute Workout from it:

Monday: Glutes and Quads

Squat Warm Up:

Kettle-bell squats                     10 x 3 

Squat halos                                 10 x 2

Walking lunges                          20

Working Set:

Rear loaded squats
(2 sets deep squats,                    8 x 5 (27kg)
3 sets pause squats)

Box squats                                    8 x 2 (7kg) 

Dumbbell step ups                      3 x 10 (10kg)

Here’s to hoping my workouts stay brutal, cause I always love a challenge.

Tying Loose Ends

Posted on by Priyasha

I had goals for 2015.
Some of them I accomplished, some I haven’t.

  • I accomplished the 60kg deadlift (for 5 sets of 5)
  • my squat is close to 30kg (stuck at 27kg)
  • I finally started studying this year.

But I still haven’t tackled upper body lifts higher than 20kg, other than the bent over row. I still can’t do push ups.

I’ve been very scattered with fitness since July. my lifts have been inconsistent, my tracking has been very out of place (to a point where i’m ashamed sometimes). I’ve restarted my reverse diet more than 5 times now. I just haven’t been focussed. Fitness got sidelined when IB and bad mental health came into view. I was incredibly distracted and demotivated, and I lost discipline and vigour. And that’s okay. It’s okay because i’m being honest with myself and and you guys. It’s okay because my determination overpowers the struggles of the last 6 months and i’m going to keep going. I’ve learnt from this.

I’m going to stop neglecting a proper warm-up before my lifts. It’s important to work on your mobility before lifts to ensure proper form and to increase your scope for hitting a PR. I’m going to start benching again. But because of alienating the exercise, i’m a complete benching beginner which means i’m going to start with pressing 10kg. I’m also a beginner with pushups, but i’ve actively started working on that.

I’m determined to learn how to balance mental and physical health along with studying. Determined to tie loose ends. I’ll be posting my new lifting program soon along with my goals for 2016. This time it isn’t just about physique and lifts.

Try looking at the big picture.

 

You’re a fighter.

Posted on by Priyasha

You wake up with that feeling inside you.

Some days it’s a good feeling and some days you want to go back to sleep. Not cause you’re still sleepy. You just don’t know what to do with that feeling.

That feeling that makes you not want to appreciate the sunshine or the fact that you’re alive. You wake up with it sometimes. You don’t feel like getting up, don’t feel like talking about it. Sometimes you can’t talk about it.

But you’re a fighter.

So you get up anyways. You tell your best friend what’s going on, as best as you can. You finish your workout, you force yourself to smile, you listen to happy music even though your heart calls for Lana Del Rey. You’re a fighter.
This post is for everyone out there going through something. Something that’s diagnosed or something that’s unlabelled.

This post is for the people who are trying every damn day. Trying to be happy, trying to lose weight, trying to get strong. People who are actively helping themselves.

I may not know you, but I believe in you.

tumblr_ng8np912yz1s7ro9fo1_400.gif

Now, let’s talk about fitness. It’s been a while. I’m not as lean as I was a while back, when I was cutting, but my lifts have been getting stronger. I think i’m ready to tackle one of my goals for this year: the 30kg squat(only squatting 30 cause I don’t have a squat rack at home). I’ve been working on my push ups as well, since I can’t do them very well. I remember so clearly being teased for being someone who lifts but can’t do push ups or pull ups. Well hey, i’m working on that as well. Won’t rest till I get push ups down.

Use your setbacks to propel you forward.